To The Dreamer Who Believes They Might Be “Too Much”

Photo by @BetsNewman Photography

I think there’s a lie we too often believe, that we are “too much.” I’ve got big blonde hair, that reacts instantly to the weather, almond shaped green eyes that light up when someone talks about their passions, and a laugh that takes over from the bottom of my belly. I’m sometimes too ambitious for my own good, taking on way more than my plate technically can hold, but boy do I fill it. I’m overly optimistic, with a silver lining of being realistic to see my goals and dreams. 

Here’s what happens though, in this process we call life, I can feel like I am “too much.” It seeps into all portions of my life specifically in relationships and career. Here’s the truth, I know I’m not alone, and that’s why I’m writing this, and braving the line of vulnerability, because you are just enough. When you shine, there will always be someone who will try to dim your light, but if you focus on people’s criticisms or praises you will never go far. Don’t give much weight to either. 

Over the years I have been told my independence and desire to accomplish my goals is one of the biggest intimidators for men by friends and family alike. It felt like I heard them say I was "too much." I’m working on the whole independence thing, because in no way do I have it all together, in no way is my life some perfect polished piece of silver, in fact it’s rather quite opposite, filled with tons of opposition, struggles, and challenges that shaped and made me into who I am. My independence and desire to dream and accomplish big dreams can sometimes leave me feeling like maybe it is a bit much, or worse maybe that I'm too much. That my drive to achieve, my independence, my go after what you dream of attitude is too much for a man.  

Here’s what I think is vital for you to remember if you are a dreamer or a woman like me, if your goals are too much for a man to pursue you and ask you out, it’s the wrong man for you. Do not let something so incredible about who you are make you believe that you simply just too much, that you are not worth it, because you are. 

After all, the willingness to wait reveals the value we place on what we wait for. Don’t settle, and change who you are to pretend to be someone you are not, because you fear you are "too much." Relationships are definitely about compromise, but do not compromise who you are to be with someone, because you are simply fearing you are too much, this will only bring an insane amount of confusion and heartbreak in the future. 

In my career, I work as a reporter, where people’s stories, their passion, their challenges, their triumphs elevate me. They bring chill bumps to my arms, and sometimes tears to my eyes. Having the ability and desire to dig deeper, is one of my favorite things in the way I have been made. You too, have uniquely been made, so don’t discount your gifts and talents. At a young age, I was constantly curious, and when I discover new insights, facts, or another facet of someone’s story, joy bursts out. In my field, sometimes people can be really serious, so sometimes insecurity gets me and wonders if there is a place for my joy in the field. I sometimes fear that I could be perceived as unprofessional, juvenile...and the list goes on. What a shame for me to believe the lie that my personality is “too much,” because the truth is it’s exactly how God made me. I’ve got a sunshine-y perspective of life, but that doesn’t come without knowledge and experience of the deep depths that life does not always feel like sunshine and rainbows. 

So, if you are feeling too much, or maybe you are on the other side of the spectrum which causes the same exact internal struggle, maybe you are believing that you are not enough. They actually are quite connected because if you believe you are too much, you are also believing you are not enough of something else. Remember you are just enough, there is only one of you, and there is only one life you have to live, and boy is this life we have to live short. What a shame to waste time, days, years believing that you are too much and miss out on the life you have to live, because life is meant to be lived, and to be lived fully just as you are to be fully who you were created to be. 

I love these lyrics from Mumford and Son’s song, “The Cave,” 

“So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's hand.”

Don’t let your fears, your insecurity, or other people’s praises or criticisms cage you, there’s a big, big world out there, but there is just one of you. 

I'll wrap it all up with a rather funny quote, a friend told me in a time when I needed to be reminded of who I am, and at a time when I was fearing I was simply "too much." It's from Alice In Wonderland, "You're not the same as you were before. You used to be much more've lost you're muchiness." Don't lose it. 

Don’t discount yourself and the creation that you are, because that’s what you are, a masterpiece, and it’s time we start believing it for ourselves.